Sooo… this is kind of awkward. And I’m sure my non-Pakistani friends were like what does “No Boxed Gifts” mean when they opened up the card (and by card I mean in the insert, because I didn’t want to write in ON THE CARD!).. it’s so normal to us as Pakistanis/Indians because it’s what’s expected at our weddings. We say “no boxed gifts” because it’s the norm in our cultures to walk in with an envelope because we see it as a way to set the couple up for their financial future, to help towards say the down payment towards their home, or just to help them getting started. They also tend to give gold jewelry if they are close members of the family, but wedding gifts in our culture aren’t seen as items for the home, but things to get the home started. It’s extremely common at our weddings to do this.
It’s a wedding, people don’t come empty-handed but then again it’s so awkward bringing it up. Etiquette says don’t mention the place you are registered on the card (have the bridal party spread the word), so etiquette masters would probably say do not even say “no boxed gifts” on the card because it’s just rude. It’s a Pakistani/Indian cultural thing, they tend to give cash at weddings.
I myself thought it may be conceived as tacky to request “no boxed gifts” but it’s normal in Pakistani culture. Also, South Asians (in general) cannot be trusted with a gift registry. If a couple is registered at, say, Macy’s, and are registered for a Cuisinart blender, the Desi aunty or uncle might go and get the Black & Decker blender because it’s on sale and it’s more in their budget, and reason “well they need a blender” and completely disregard the fact that Cuisinart blender might just match the couple’s taste & color scheme better. And a family might even see a $25 item and get that yet bring their family of 10 to the wedding. Seriously, that’s why Desi couples don’t register….
That, and, we tend to invite 400 people and that would just result in an outrageous amount of gifts…. most of which you don’t need (don’t believe me? ask an Aunty or Uncle to look in their garage…. they might have boxes of gifts lying around from an adult child’s wedding in which they made the terrible mistake of registering, no joke). Also, my family has been stockpiling things for my wedding for years… rug, check; flatware, check; dishes, check; pots & pans, check.. you get the idea. I also already have the Kitchenaid stand mixer I need because I lived on my own for a while. It just made more sense for the no-boxed gifts request.
I still think it’s awkward to ask for it, it’s awkward that I’m writing about it, but I feel I have to defend it and explain it to my non-Desi friends. It’s not because we want money or because we are greedy, it’s because it’s typical in my culture, and we knew if we did register to appease our friends, we would get all the crap that all the Desi aunties and uncles would undoubtedly bring to our wedding.
I think there’s a proper way to do this and to write this on your invitations. I’ve seen a couple explain it as “we intend on moving to the East coast so we kindly request no boxed gifts” and some others just plain ask “we kindly request no boxed gifts” yet others have rudely said “NO boxed gifts” without even a please. So, it’s all in how you word it… I personally don’t really see how it’s more different than putting the Macy’s registry insert (that Macy’s provides!!) in one’s invitation ensemble, though.
and… I think in a day and age were most couples live together before getting married, I wonder HOW you even register for a wedding when you more than likely have all the stuff you need. I wouldn’t register for fine china (because I don’t want it) and we only added stemware to the registry for the Macedonian event because my sister-in-law encouraged it… but do I want fancy crystal glasses, not really. (so yes, we have a registry for our Macedonian event because Macedonian people aren’t used to the “no boxed gifts”).
Royal Albert Collection at Macys
So this is just a little explanation of the Pakistani culture of “no boxed gifts” for those who don’t know what this means and might accuse me of being tacky, because I’m not!!!
ALSO as a cute funny note, my dad invited my neighbor (a Asian couple in their 70s) and they sent over a gift… they sent us a beautiful jug that was not in a box but in a gift bag, because that was their interpretation of the request. SO CUTE!! This jug is adorable too!
Hey fellow Pi Phi! I’m so glad you found my blog- the Pi Phi blog list was such a great idea! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Enjoy every moment. I love your blog! This post caught my attention because I attended a wedding a few weeks ago that also said “no boxed gifts.” I knew it was a cultural preference so we obliged of course! I didn’t think it was rude at all, but enjoyed reading more about this. I look forward to reading more on your blog.
How funny! I seriously wrote this because I thought… I kind of need to explain this to my friends without outright telling them what it means! But Thank you for the compliments–I am so behind on blogging because it’s just 2 1/2 weeks away!
Lol Sidra…my sister sent me your blog since I’d decided on purple/green/gold for my shaadi jora colors and yours came up in a Google search. I just had a funny conversation with my husband-to-be about “no boxed gifts” and this post totally hits the nail on the head! We’re still deciding whether to have the wedding in the U.S. or in Karachi, and I’ll totally be including this in the invitation!
So glad you found my blog helpful, Rana!
I loved my wedding outfit colors, the makeup was definitely easier to pick with it than a “red” gharara would’ve been. Can’t wait to hear about your wedding goes!!! The no boxed gifts is a total must! lol! We didn’t go home with any blenders. :p
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This is *so* late, but did you write any blogs throughout the wedding/blogging process about combining your cultures with your wedding?
Hi Toni, thanks for stopping by. Sorry for the late response. Hmm, I kind of did write posts about planning but intend on doing more later on to help out brides. Keep posted on teh blog
I an not an expert on Pakistani culture, but I am an Indian and have lived in India for years and now in USA for years… And have attended innumerable Indian weddings. No one in India will even mention anything about a gift on the card… In US, most couple spread word of their registry through the bridal party or share their registry info in an insert. I have seen only 1 invitation which said “no boxed gift” and found it very tacky… Seems like the blogger is trying
is trying to justify her actions.
Thanks for stopping by – Not trying to “justify my actions” in this post, Sunny – this is how almost all of the Pakistani/Indian wedding invitations I get these day come. You are mistaken. As a matter of fact, many people find my blog by searching for this wording, presumably to figure out what the wording means on an invitation they got. Have a nice day.
Thank you for this blog post. I did a search of “Indian Weddings: No box gifts”, and your post was at the top of the search results. I received an invitation to the wedding of an Indian friend, and the invitation stated “No Box Gifts.” As an American, I had no idea what this meant, and didn’t think it would be polite to ask the bride. You blog post provided the information I needed. Thanks.
Hi Edo, thanks so much for stopping by and for leaving a comment. I’m glad this post helped you figure out what the wording meant
Hope you have a wonderful time at the wedding!
Thank you for this explanation It came up when I googled it, I didn’t understand at first as I am from a different culture, I don’t want to get things wrong or embarrass my friend, but it so makes sense and I think it’s a great idea which I’m sure will catch on, as lots of people set up home already.
The comment you are looking for on the card is “Your gift to us is your presence”. And regardless of the fact that a family of 10 brings a $25.00 gift or a $250.00 gift should not matter. A wedding is not a gift gathering session, its more of a blessing gathering session. You will have many blissful joys to celebrate where gifts will follow, anniversaries, baby showers, holidays, birthdays, etc. You invite people to your wedding to share your joyful bliss, not to have them pay for your financial future. I hope you take this constructively.
Hi, thank you for explaining this! I don’t find it tacky and am happy for the clarification. As someone who is just out of college and not making a lot of money, what’s an amount I could give without seeming rude? Thank you!