Wedding Guests lists are honestly such a pain.  I feel like we have spent months working on this list, and it is still barely finalized.  Instead of it shrinking, the list keeps growing and growing as my parents keep remembering friends who didn’t make it to the first list.  I was not allowed to go out tonight because finalizing a budget and organizing my list were the top priorities of my parents, finally!

We’ve been cutting people out, adding others in, and figuring out whose children should be invited and whose should be left out.  As my other blog post already states, I am not a fan of non-family children being at my wedding, so I honestly am not inviting anyone’s child to my wedding that I don’t have conversations with.  My dad wanted to invite someone’s child, and my mom and I kept reminding him what it will cost him.  Too funny.  The Pakistani wedding list is a challenge, because you have to invite whoever has previously invited you to their wedding to yours and you have to invite mere acquaintances.  To top it all off, people have approached me to ask me if they are invited to my wedding, and they’ve also asked my mother if they are going to be invited.  I’ve also heard about the nightmarish activities which involve crossing out how many people are invited, and adding your own number, like for example, if two people are invited, people cross that number out and write in “4” or “5”.  Not ok!  If my parents find it too tacky to call these “guests” and remind them that the RSVP card stated 2 invitations, I will do it on their behalf.  People who know me know that I am not joking.

I literally only included 35 of my friends on my list… past roommates, very good college friends who made it a point to keep in touch beyond Facebook, people who I had good friendships with…. so for example,  there are a few people I didn’t stay  close with through all the college years but I met them my freshman year, had great memories and great conversations with them and cannot imagine my wedding without them.  We don’t see each other very often anymore, but I couldn’t leave them out of the most important day of my life because I’ve essentially known them for 6 1/2 years now.  I chose to invite who I did because I know they are truly happy for me 🙂  What kind of sucks is I can’t do “plus 1’s” for my friends because a guest list over 350 people is just ridiculous… so sorry in advanced!  I just hope everyone has a nice time!  I don’t think I’ll be making any new friends… so I think I’m done with my part of the list.  I really thought about who to invite carefully and cut people out until I got to this list, and I am so beyond happy with who I have 🙂  I don’t think I forgot anyone.

As for my parents part of the list…. well we certainly intend on finalizing it soon because we plan on sending invitations out by April or May.  Making my seating chart is going to be a nightmare, I already know it.  Pakistani people don’t send RSVP cards back as it is (my family is guilty) so I know my parents will be psycho-dialing our guests before the wedding to get our list so that we can get our final count so I can make my seating chart.

One thing I am doing right now to keep things a bit more organized is grouping individuals by the other people they are going to be seated with.  I’m going to use WeddingWire‘s app for seating arrangements to create my chart. For example, Natasha, Farida and Tammy are all one row apart on my list because they were all my roommates, and they’d probably have a great time sitting next to each other at my wedding.  I think that’s a smart way to get organized ahead of the game… hope it makes my seating chart a lot easier.  I just hope extra people don’t end up coming, because that will be really embarrassing for them being told that they are not on the list.

I’ve also been told making a B-list is a good idea just in case someone decides they cannot come and we end up having more space.  I’m thinking about it.

It is common practice that a woman takes the man’s name after she is married, and I do intend on taking my fiance’s name once we are married.  While I love the idea of hyphenating a name… my fiance’s last name has 10 letters, and that is impossible to take.   Ahmad-Trajcevska is far too long a last name, so I am going to change my name to Sidra  Ahmad Trajcevska.  It actually is in my benefit to take Nick’s last name… because I can never get through Airport Security or check-in online without being harassed.  Sidra Trajcevska is sure to allow me to speed through security, woo hoo!

This name change business seems to be just SUCH a hassle, so I’m kind of excited for this website, MissNowMrs.com that takes the hassle out of the changing process for you.  You fill out some information and it prints the forms out for you, all for just $29.95.  Sweet, I am definitely signing up for this after I get married.  The idea of changing your name after marriage seems so overwhelming, but I think it’s a lot of fun of being married is by being able to share a last name.  I personally cannot wait to becoming Mrs. Trajcevska. 🙂

For those brides who do not want to pay the $29.95… here’s what you essentially have to do:
-Change your name with the Social Security Administration, who tells the IRS
-Change your name with your DMV
-Change your name with the US Passport Agency (but make sure your honeymoon tickets are booked under your maiden name as this change cannot go into effect until after the wedding!)
-Update your info with your employer
-Update your info with your 401K Plan
-Change your name with your banks and credit card companies

I’m sure there are a lot more things that you have to have changed… so I’ll let you all know how it goes once I’m ready to make this change!

I think everyone loves seeing how adorable the flower girls look walking down the isle, the cute kids dressed up in adult clothing, a little boy running around with a tuxedo jacket, top and his diapers because it’s just too hot in the wedding hall.  Too freaking cute, and makes for great photos.  Who doesn’t love kids when they are super cute at weddings!  Just look at this:
Yes, they look so cute all dolled up with flowers in their hair and curls, but then what happens when they get hyper on the sugar, restless during the ceremony, or extremely bored during the long speeches at the reception?  My mom would probably kick my ass if ever did any of these things at weddings!! She was ruthless, and most often, the weddings my family was invited to would exclude me and my four siblings, and my mom NEVER brought us along if we weren’t specifically invited.

One of the touchiest subjects is whether or not to invite young children to wedding, because to be quite honest, who wants this in the middle of your ceremony:

I know, ADORABLE kid, but you can’t control their moods… and for that reason I get so concerned when young kids are invited to weddings, or brought without invitation.  I have many cute kids in my family (my cousins all have kids, and they are all SUPER CUTE) and I really have no issues with my family’s kids being at the wedding, or my sister-in-law’s ADORABLE daughters being at my wedding, but those kids are my family so I love them, know that the majority of them are well behaved, and I also know that their moms will eat me alive if I suggested leaving them at home.  Plus, I am Pakistani there is no excluding any of my family from my wedding, and I wouldn’t want them left at home.  It’s for the other people whose children I do not want at my wedding, and it’s definitely a touchy subject either way.  I’ve seen some kids behave extremely well at weddings, but others make it their own personal playground.  They might be running around, crawling under the table, messing with the cake, or touching the expensive flowers or knocking down the floral arrangements.  Gives me nightmares thinking about it.

Here are some things I’ve seen at weddings that drive me crazy:
-child crying during the ceremony (Muslim ceremonies are only 20-30 minutes long too, mind you!)
-child screaming during ceremony
-14-year-old playing Nintendo DS during ceremony…. with the volume TURNED UP
-children running around at reception
-children running around in the hotel lobby during reception
-children breaking apart floral arrangements
-children trying to dance at the mehndi during the choreographed performances, that girls have practiced tirelessly for and do not need a kid joining in
-children running around the stage that the bride and groom are seated at

So this is all behavior that I’ve witnessed that drives me insane.  In all honesty, weddings cost a lot of money per person, so why invite someone who has no interest in being there?  It doesn’t cost less to have a child invited than it does to have an adult invited there… so how to tackle this subject.

There are a few tactful ways of addressing this issue, and the first is writing:
-“Adult Only Reception” on the card or insert
-“No Children under the age of 16, please” on the card or insert
-indicating how many seats have been reserved for the family on the response card, and being sure to exclude the children, so say “2 seats have been reserved”
-or, having a “babysitting room” with a nanny, pizza, and crafts/movies to keep the kids entertained..

Obviously, the last option costs money to execute at weddings, but at the same time, Pakistani people love to bring their kids even if they aren’t invited, with the notion that their “cute” child is not a nuisance at the wedding, and justifying their behavior by saying the child will be seated in their laps the whole time.  Not true, never once seen that happen.